If you have a hard time using the word, “no,” it makes all your, “yeses,” meaningless.  In order to see the word, “no,” as a freedom word that leverages the best in you, it is important to first start with getting clear on what you should be saying, “yes,” to.  Once you do, you will find saying, “no,” is not only beneficial to you personally, but it’s also beneficial to the community you serve.

Saying, “No,” In Times Of Crisis

When people ask you to do something important, the requests are usually born out of crisis.  There aren’t enough volunteers for the Children’s Ministry, so you are asked to recruit people to fill the holes because people will listen to you.  A leader just stepped down from serving in the Youth Group, so you are asked to start serving the youth because you will bring stability to the kids (and their parents).  Your expenses are ahead of your giving, so the elders ask you to preach on stewardship in order to increase giving.  Some of the mature members of your church are disgruntled and they want to start a midweek Bible study because they want to go deeper in their study of Scripture.  So, they ask you to lead it because you are the person they learn the most from.  A couple comes to you because their marriage is in trouble, and they ask you to meet with them to save their marriage.  These are some of the typical requests that members ask from their pastors.

The temptation is to say, “yes,” to all of these requests because they are important and you most likely can help them in each situation.

I faced this temptation plenty of times, and I also yielded to it plenty of times.  In wanting to help the people I loved in my church, I said, “yes,” to their requests.  However, here’s what I learned from that experience: in saying, “yes,” to all their requests, I ended up overloaded.  As a result, I wasn’t very helpful to those whom I loved because I was stretched too thin.

If you face the temptation to say, “yes,” to solving crises in ministry, you are not alone.  The apostles also faced the temptation to solve crises in the church.  However, if the church was going to grow, they were going to have to learn to use the word, “no,” in their ministry as well.

The apostles’ example of saying, “No,” in times of crisis

In Acts chapter 6, there was a request that was born out of a true ministry crisis.  Racism was taking root in the church.  Greek widows were being overlooked, while Hebraic widows were being well taken care of in the daily distribution of food.  The Greek speaking Jews brought the issue to the Apostles and asked them to step in and solve the crisis because racism had to be expunged from the church.  Yet the Apostles did something truly remarkable.  They said, “no,” to the Greek’s request to solve the issue.  Instead, they appointed seven godly men who would solve the issue.  The Apostles didn’t skirt the issue.  They took it seriously.  However, they said, “no,” to being the solution to it.  They delegated the solution of the issue to seven godly men who would see that justice was served.

THE APOSTLES’ COMMITMENT TO THEIR CALLING

The reason they were able to say, “no,” to this request born out of crisis was due to their commitment to their calling.  It’s not that serving widows was unimportant.  This ministry to the widows was critical to the life of the church in order to rid themselves of racism.   It’s not that they were physically unable to do it.  They probably could have served the widows as well as anyone else in the church.   However, the Apostles knew that if they said, “yes,” to serving the widows in the church, they would be neglecting the work that God had specifically called them to do.   They were called to pray and teach the word.  If they jumped in to care for the widows, they would be distracted from fulfilling their calling.  So out of love for the church, they said, “no,” to this urgent and important request because they were clear on their calling.  Instead, they delegated that ministry to others who were trustworthy to solve the issue.

I wonder if one of the reasons why pastors and ministry leaders burn out in ministry (or are unnecessarily burdened in their work) is because we are not crystal clear about what we are called to do in ministry.  In order to see the word, “no,” as a freedom word that gives you energy for the things God has called you to do, you have to first start with getting clear about what God is calling you to do.

how to Get clear on your calling: 4 Crucial Questions

Here are four questions to ask yourself (and your leadership team) that will help you clarify the work God has called you to do:

1. What things are you doing now that you wish you didn’t have to do?  Ask this question to find out, “What drains you?”  Chances are good that those things that drain you are not the primary things that God is calling you to do.  Make a list, and begin to stop doing one at a time.
2. What things do you do in a given week that give you the most life?  Ask this question to find out, “What fills you up?”  These things that fill you up are most likely the things that God has called you to do.  Find ways to do more of the things that fill you up.
3. What ways does God use you most in other people’s lives? Ask this question of others to get confirmation on how God is indeed using you to your maximum potential.  You might know that you have the gift of teaching, but it’s most effectively practiced in a one-on-one context not in a group context.  Asking this question will help you zero in on how God is using your gifts, skills and passions to serve him most effectively.
4. What specific things do you do that are invaluable to your organization?  It’s not prideful to know that you are essential to an organization’s health.  It’s prideful to think that you are the only one who is essential to your organization’s health.  It’s important to know what specific things you do that are the most important for the life of your community.  This helps you prioritize and clarify what it is you should say, “no,” to and what it is you should say, “yes,” to.

BONUS:

Don’t ask these questions alone.  Get a couple of trusted friends together, and ask them to help you answer them.  After you model this for them, you might offer to lead them through the same process in order to help them clarify their calling in life.

Don’t be surprised when people come to you and ask you to solve a crisis.  You are their leader.  It is appropriate for them to come to you.  Yet if you say, “yes,” to all of their requests, you aren’t going to help anyone.  Learn to say, “no,” by clarifying your calling.

Next week, I will write about how to say, “no,” graciously and in a way that expands your ministry.

What ways has being clear on your calling helped you to say, “no?”